Making my way...

 

Well, my dear MSN Space... I shall be bidding a fond farewell to you on October 31st.  Don't be sad, dear Space.  I shall find a splendid replacement for you. Well, to be honest, I've spent most of the evening yesterday and the day today fixing up your replacement.  You'll have the address soon.

 

I have often commented that I wish I had chosen a different school way back in 1999 when I chose my college.  I often muse that I would have a better education, a better job, and a better outlook on what I should be doing with my life if I had just received a little help in planning.  Well, we can add another grievance to the list.  It has been almost a week since I wrote my professors at MethCo.  ONE... yes ONE has written me back.  Out of 9.  On the other hand, every single professor that I asked at another university that I attended for a SINGLE SEMESTER has agreed and already submitted theirs.  Which leads me to look at the school that i have paid most of my hard earned money to and say "What the hell???"

 

The school has a reputation of being self-righteous.  So do most of the people who grace that campus.  I always thought that, if it came to it, I could trust my English professors to be there for me in a bind.  I figured they would be more than happy to help out a fellow ecclectic soul.  I thought I had made a wise decision.  Now, in a time when I need then to come through for me... for me to bank a little on the exorbant tuition fees I paid to go there...

 

They're nowhere to be found.

 

Bastards.

 

I do have to say that it was really cool of my one professor to write me like she did.  I do miss her.  But the rest of them... I shall pee in their gatorade.  Giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe my email went into a spam folder.  Maybe they've been so busy they couldn't write back.

 

They're still evil.  I can't believe I've paid their salaries as long as I did.  I still need two more professors to finish my applications.  Do I smell shit creek?  Have you seen my paddle??

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no  doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t.

And that's a promise I will keep.  Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Top 5 Pearl Jam Songs:

5.  Release / Dissident / Indifference (tie):  These are my three favorite "slow" songs.  I'm not comfortable choosing between them.

4.  Porch

3.  Black

2.  Glorified G

1.  Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town

 

---

 

I know I've asked this before.  Or maybe I haven't... I've just thought it.  Or asked my close friends... Anyway.  I know it has been released into the cosmos before... but today, as always... its on the edge of my brain... the edge of my tounge... begging to be released yet again:

 

At what point to you just admit defeat and walk away?

 

I guess because I'm so close to applying for graduate school, I'm opening my eyes to what's pretty obvious at work.  Or maybe it has always been obvious and I just and being hopeful.

 

***Later on*****

 

I saved this draft and waited for myself to calm down a bit.  I've gotten some things organized.  I feel a lot better about where I am.  Enough about that.  If I keep thinking about it I'm going to get pissed off and hurt again.

 

I've gotten enough professors together to apply for one and a half schools.  Unfortunately my #2 choice of a school is not accepting applications until November 1st for the term I'm interested in.  So now I have to wait and see who else responds (if anyone else DOES respond...) before I ask people to submit to my #1 and #3 schools.  Which makes me almost reconsider my #3 school. 

 

In other news, I'm the high bidder on some cool stuff on Ebay.  In an hour I will know if I am the proud owner of a new SLR film camera.  I will not pay over 100 dollars for a film camera, so Ebay is my only real choice.  I also found a nice black pantsuit for 5 bucks.  Hey... I can't pass up a good deal now.  I'm going to need all the pantsuits I can get my hands on for my teaching assistantships... if I actually get one.  I hear there's some pretty stiff competition for them.

 

I might try to talk Bronson into going to Lowe's with me tonight to scope out some paint remover to get the paint off of the woodwork in the house.  I really need to start on that.  I want all the woodwork back to its original finish.  I might even tear up a few rooms worth of carpet.  All i know is the renovations really need to get started.

 

Crap.  I was outbid on the camera.  Oh well.  For 80 more dollars I could get a really nice NEW one.  I couldn't see spending over 100.  Maybe I'll hold out and save up for a digital one.  Film takes too long to develop and they're more expensive in the long run. 

 

The next week is going to be nice and busy.  Tonight I'm having dinner with Bronson since he's working late tomorrow night.  Tomorrow night I'm planning on sitting down and printing all the stuff for my packets and sending those off.  Plus, I'm writing my Letter of Intent for my #1 school.  I'm hoping to make up my mind on my #3 school and my back-up school and write the letter of intent for that one also.  Friday we're going to Spookywoods.  Saturday is homecoming at Methodist College.  I need to clean my house and do laundry at some point.  Tuesday is Day #100 for Bronson and I... and the 31st is the day I start my 365 project.  I'm hoping to have time to mess around with my instruction booklet at some point before then. 

 

Anyway.  I really need to get working.  Hopefully I'll have more time to write later.