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22 octobre Goodbye Space.I will be leaving you sooner than I thought. Here's why:
Friday was a rough day. All I wanted to do was finish the project I was working on and go home. I blogged during the day, as usual. I went to post... and got an error message. Luckily I save what I wrote in my clipboard for this reason alone. I come back 10 minutes later, and it won't even let me log in. I finally get logged back in, and I still can't post. I email the information to myself, go home, and try to post later. Still no dice. Finally at about 9 o'clock I said screw it. So! Here is my new address:
I've been thinking about the next change in my life and I realized I need to protect my privacy a bit more. Something about the thought process of a bored college freshman with a free T-1 connection in their dorm room... gives me the heebie-jeebies. So... yeah. The characters will remain the same, but the names will have to change. :)
So! Yes... this will be my last post here on MSN Spaces. On to bigger and better things!
This weekend was quite eventful. Bronson and I went to my homecoming up at good ol' MethCo on Satuday. We missed the football game. Well, all but about a 15 minutes of it toward the end. Somehow we ended up in Christopher Newport stands. Before that, I decided to take him on a walking tour of four years of my life. We went through the Trustee's Building (English/Writing/History/Psychology/Sociology/Social Work Building) and ran into Dr. Christian. He agreed to do a recommendation for me (Woo-Hoo! Only one more needed!) and gave my beloved boyfriend some raving compliments. We stopped by the "University Store" and I got a new sweatshirt... then we stopped by the game, where I spent the whole time on the phone with Spookywoods ordering our VIP tickets for that night. We then walked down towards the dorms... back up... and decided that Gander Mountain would be a better bet than going back to the football game.
Spookywoods was un-freaking-believeable. We got there and the place was teeming with people. We went straight in, waited about a minute and a half in line and we were off! Paying the extra 10 dollars for an upgrade was worth it not to have to wait in line for hours. Not to mention there were parts that actually scared me. It was great! I love Halloween.
I've got the name of a plumber. Hopefully the home renovations will be underway shortly. Bronson seems to be more excited about the renovations than I am. So far all I've gotten is fix the plumbing. I need to remove the paint from the interior woodwork, paint the walls, put new floors in the kitchen and bathroom... then I can think about putting some new windows in the house. :) Yay.
Anyway. I shall now move on to my new home over at Wordpress. I may cross-post for a while, but I can't make any promises. 19 octobre Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?....Well, my dear MSN Space... I shall be bidding a fond farewell to you on October 31st. Don't be sad, dear Space. I shall find a splendid replacement for you. Well, to be honest, I've spent most of the evening yesterday and the day today fixing up your replacement. You'll have the address soon.
I have often commented that I wish I had chosen a different school way back in 1999 when I chose my college. I often muse that I would have a better education, a better job, and a better outlook on what I should be doing with my life if I had just received a little help in planning. Well, we can add another grievance to the list. It has been almost a week since I wrote my professors at MethCo. ONE... yes ONE has written me back. Out of 9. On the other hand, every single professor that I asked at another university that I attended for a SINGLE SEMESTER has agreed and already submitted theirs. Which leads me to look at the school that i have paid most of my hard earned money to and say "What the hell???"
The school has a reputation of being self-righteous. So do most of the people who grace that campus. I always thought that, if it came to it, I could trust my English professors to be there for me in a bind. I figured they would be more than happy to help out a fellow ecclectic soul. I thought I had made a wise decision. Now, in a time when I need then to come through for me... for me to bank a little on the exorbant tuition fees I paid to go there...
They're nowhere to be found.
Bastards.
I do have to say that it was really cool of my one professor to write me like she did. I do miss her. But the rest of them... I shall pee in their gatorade. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe my email went into a spam folder. Maybe they've been so busy they couldn't write back.
They're still evil. I can't believe I've paid their salaries as long as I did. I still need two more professors to finish my applications. Do I smell shit creek? Have you seen my paddle?? 18 octobre You may be Saturday's child, all alone, moving with a tinge of grace...5 Things Hear 'Round the Office:
5. Chris: Kou! You're kinda hot!
Kou: Yep.
Chris: I had no idea you were a woman. And Miss Hmong California!
4. Choua (to a Customer Service Rep at Embarq): I'm calling Channel 11! 32! 5! Theyre' on my side! Someone's going to help me!
3. Brian: Three full grown men sitting around scratching their heads
Justin: Well, not all full grown
Brian: Two and a growth spurt.
2. Chris: Marrying a Mexican will put the brakes on you becoming an Intellectual Property lawyer. Real Estate law is still feasible. But not Intellectual Property.
1. Travis: My neighbors hates Mexicans. He told me to keep my Mexicans off of his lawn.
Last night was productive. I found my new printer, did some troubleshooting to it... found it needed print cartridges. Lucky and I packed up and went to our local Wal-Mart. We came back with new cartridges, a computer chair, the newest Sugarland CD, some bones, and a salad. I printed up my recommendation packets for the teachers who have responded, revamped my resume, wrote a preminary draft for my Statement of Intent, put my chair together, wrote my emails, watched everything on my DVR, played with my dog, drank a beer, did my laundry, folded my laundry, washed dishes, and paid for my new camera. Not bad for six hours.
Pretty soon I'll be doing my 365 Project. I'm thinking about switching things around and re-vamping. I spent about two hours on Spaces earlier looking for people. Not anyone in particular... just people like me. Or even somewhat like me. Or even someone I could just... identify with. I found three. Maybe. One hasn't updated her space in almost a year. I'm starting to REALLY think that MSN Spaces is not the place for me. If anyone even still uses it. Then again, I'm sure every blog website has its downfalls.
I found this tasty little tidbit on the internet earlier. This is hypothetically a letter sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine protection products. I'd love to take this woman out for a drink.
17 octobre I sign an autograph at night time...And a bathroom pass by day.5 Things I am Proud of Right This Instant (Because I need a pick-me-up)
5. I have submitted the application portion of both UNCG and UNCW.
4. I am now the proud owner of a Canon Rebel G 35mm SLR camera.
3. I actually did ONE job today that my boss didn't change that much or call me out like I'm an idiot.
2. My dog is at home... in my bed... waiting for me.
1. I found my printer, printer USB cable, and power chord after it being packed up for over a year. (The printer won't print MS Word documents though...bastard.)
Yep... that's right. I found a Rebel G for 100 dollars including shipping and I couldn't talk myself out of it. I justified it by paying my application fee for UNCG at the same time. I would have paid for UNCW too, but I have to submit my supplemental documents before I can pay it. I kind of like the way the UNCW has it, that way everything gets there at once. No extra postage, no extra worry. But! You can't satisfy everyone all the time.
Bronson is working late tonight since the county is completely overhauling their computer networks over the next six months. I got to go out to Moe's with him last night. I thought about stopping at Lowe's, but i think I need to do more research before I put some strange chemical on my 100 year old woodwork. Call me protective. I feel bad for Bronson though... Today is going to be an extremely long day for him.
I, on the other hand, will be making as much as I can from my night at home. I have letters of intent to write, recommendation packets to get together, a resume to update, clothes to wash, movies to watch, floors to clean, a dog to play with, another printer to find, and emails to send off. I'm hoping to at least get a **LITTLE** bit of reading done tonight too. I haven't touched Early From the Dance since I got back from Texas AND I got the November editions of "Backpacker" and "National Geographic Adventure". Needless to say, I think I'll have a pretty busy night.
I have heard back from all 3 professors I emailed at FSU. I have heard back from ONE professor at MethCo. In their defense, it is fall break right now. Well, actually... Fall Break ended yesterday. I'm hoping I at least hear back from two more. I guess I can deal if I don't... but still. My advisor hasn't even volunteered or written back to say "screw you" yet. I really hope I hear from more soon. I guess I can handle with what I have, I just think it looks bad that I only have one recommendation from the school that issued my degree. Maybe that just makes no sense.
Well... I am going home. I came in an hour early yesterday and left 20 minutes late... I'm takin' some comp time, Damnit.
16 octobre maybe i do maybe i don't...but i know i haven't yetTop 5 Pearl Jam Songs:
5. Release / Dissident / Indifference (tie): These are my three favorite "slow" songs. I'm not comfortable choosing between them.
4. Porch
3. Black
2. Glorified G
1. Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town
I know I've asked this before. Or maybe I haven't... I've just thought it. Or asked my close friends... Anyway. I know it has been released into the cosmos before... but today, as always... its on the edge of my brain... the edge of my tounge... begging to be released yet again:
At what point to you just admit defeat and walk away?
I guess because I'm so close to applying for graduate school, I'm opening my eyes to what's pretty obvious at work. Or maybe it has always been obvious and I just and being hopeful.
***Later on*****
I saved this draft and waited for myself to calm down a bit. I've gotten some things organized. I feel a lot better about where I am. Enough about that. If I keep thinking about it I'm going to get pissed off and hurt again.
I've gotten enough professors together to apply for one and a half schools. Unfortunately my #2 choice of a school is not accepting applications until November 1st for the term I'm interested in. So now I have to wait and see who else responds (if anyone else DOES respond...) before I ask people to submit to my #1 and #3 schools. Which makes me almost reconsider my #3 school.
In other news, I'm the high bidder on some cool stuff on Ebay. In an hour I will know if I am the proud owner of a new SLR film camera. I will not pay over 100 dollars for a film camera, so Ebay is my only real choice. I also found a nice black pantsuit for 5 bucks. Hey... I can't pass up a good deal now. I'm going to need all the pantsuits I can get my hands on for my teaching assistantships... if I actually get one. I hear there's some pretty stiff competition for them.
I might try to talk Bronson into going to Lowe's with me tonight to scope out some paint remover to get the paint off of the woodwork in the house. I really need to start on that. I want all the woodwork back to its original finish. I might even tear up a few rooms worth of carpet. All i know is the renovations really need to get started.
Crap. I was outbid on the camera. Oh well. For 80 more dollars I could get a really nice NEW one. I couldn't see spending over 100. Maybe I'll hold out and save up for a digital one. Film takes too long to develop and they're more expensive in the long run.
The next week is going to be nice and busy. Tonight I'm having dinner with Bronson since he's working late tomorrow night. Tomorrow night I'm planning on sitting down and printing all the stuff for my packets and sending those off. Plus, I'm writing my Letter of Intent for my #1 school. I'm hoping to make up my mind on my #3 school and my back-up school and write the letter of intent for that one also. Friday we're going to Spookywoods. Saturday is homecoming at Methodist College. I need to clean my house and do laundry at some point. Tuesday is Day #100 for Bronson and I... and the 31st is the day I start my 365 project. I'm hoping to have time to mess around with my instruction booklet at some point before then.
Anyway. I really need to get working. Hopefully I'll have more time to write later.
15 octobre It gets cold when she's not around...5 Things on My Mind:
5. I just sent off 8 or 9 emails to past professors, basically begging for a recommendation letter.: My worst fear? Most of them won't respond and I won't have enough to apply to grad school. Even worse, the ones I do say "yes" are my absolute back ups... the ones I only asked because I need at least six.
4. Three people came by and picked up flyers.: I have plans to paint and get rid of some of the nastiness that has existed in my house for the past god-knows-how-long. I have boxes sitting everywhere and no place to really "get rid" of them. I have plumbing to fix. I have too much to do for one little person.
3. The only thing I have left to do on my applications is to write my "Letter of Intent.": There's something scary about being that close to the brink. I don't want to think about the mental state I'll be in when I'm waiting to hear.
2. Christmas... why does it have to come so soon!: I may actually be in one place this Christmas, and I'm excited about it. My only thing is... this year I have got some of the hardest people to shop for!
1. Winter. Cold. Crap.: Yay for 400-700 heating bills. How the H*!! am I going to afford this one??
I have heard back from two of my professors as of 10:30 this morning!! One more and I can apply to school #1 and 2! I'm leaving my back-up school for the last three to respond. I figured I'd pick my top 3 to do my top school. Enough thinking about it. I still have to hear from one more professor before I can even do anything.
Things went pretty well this weekend. I got the quote log done for work. It only took me two weeks of solid work to get it completely updated. You can bet I probably won't see anything for those hours spent. Life goes on. We dedicate our lives to the machine... and that's all it is. Now all I'll have to do is dedicate part of my Monday mornings to the upkeep and it should be good.
I have decided to paint my kitchen and living room. I also want to remove the paint from 95% of the woodwork in the house. Its peeling and looks horrible. I know its a lot of work, but if it means the house moves a little faster, I'm all for the extra hours. I can't have a house and go to grad school too. It just won't work like that. It kind of scares me that winter and cold weather are so close too. I actually ran my heat for a little while this weekend and all I could hear was the money slowly draining out of my already-hurt bank account. Oh what a glorious situation! I feel like I'm ready to really buckle down and get some stuff done on it. I know my real estate agent wanted to go over some things he feels needs to be done too. Overall, between the two of us, we should get the house moving!
Which puts me in an interesting position. I am in a desperate state where I need to get rid of some of the crap my grandmother has unloaded on me. There's some stuff I'd like to just get rid of (IE: Porcelain dolls... holy crap they freak me out.... and my stupid dresser. For some reason my grandmother is convinced I picked it out.) and there's other things that I'd like to keep if i have the space for it. I just need to go through most of my stuff and get organized more than anything else. I'm tired of using her cast-off stuff. I want things that are my own style. I kind of figured 26 years old is old enough to have my own crap without feeling bad about it.
Two more professors wrote me!! I have enough for at least one school! This is so exciting! Well... I really need to finish this job. Hopefully I'll talk to you soon! 12 octobre it's been a hellish fight to not think about you all the time...Last 5 Albums Purchased:
5. Motion City Soundtrack "Even If It Kills Me"
4. All Time Low "Put up or Shut up"
3. Once Soundtrack
2. Plain White T's "Every Second Counts"
1. Social Distorion "Greatest Hits"
You'll have to excuse my "cop out" on the list. I really don't have much time. Lots of things going on around here and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to stay online.
Its sad, but I've already started planning for Christmas. I haven't really been able to celebrate it before. Last year I was waiting (not very) patiently to move into my house after I had been promised about 10 different closing dates. The year before I was moving into my apartment in Aberdeen. Year before... freshly divorced. The year before... basic training. Needless to say, I haven't had a decent Christmas in a long time. It hasn't bothered me, honestly. Christmas was never that happy of an event in our household after mom passed. It was usually Dad's visitation day... or at least the only day he really cared to come. Probably because he was running from his own family.
Anyway. I have to get going. I have a long drive ahead of me. Talk to you all soon!
11 octobre On a night like this... i could fall in love... i could fall in love with you...5 Places on the Internet worth shopping at:
5. Etsy
2. Campmor
I've been fighting it for about a few weeks now. I kept pretty busy the first part of the month. Now I'm deep into the middle of October and it slams me. Its Breast Cancer Awareness month. That nagging little reminder of everything that I try to live above throughout the rest of the year. It marks the beginning of "THAT SEASON." (Christmas, my mother's favorite holiday... then January, the month of her passing away...) It also is the month I dedicate myself completely to the beautiful women who fall into my life.
I know I spread myself pretty thin most of the time. Well, all of the time. I'll admit. I have to be doing something. Once a year I create about 10 or 15 "Sunshine Baskets" and deliver them to the patients undergoing chemo. They're not always breast cancer survivors. They're always beautiful. Always ready for a hug and some laughter. I love those women. I haven't forgotten a single one of them. I've lost a few and a few have joined the proud ranks of survivors. I keep in touch with some... some have drifted away into their own busy lives. I love them all. There's nothing in this world that compares to watching warmth spread across someone's face when they realize that someone out there really and truly gives a damn. Never rush them... let them talk. They're looking into the face of their maker... you may just have to miss "Grey's Anatomy." Trust me... it makes the world of a difference.
Where its nice to do this once a year, I was seeking something a little more "constant." I found Chemo Angels. I haven't decided whether or not I'm doing it... but it really is something to think about. I'm still planning on doing the 3 Day in 2008. If possible, I'd like to even do the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer...but that's a lot of fundraising for one year (the 3 Day requires you raise 2200... and the Walk for Breast Cancer requires 1800. That's a lot of dough).
Well, time flies when you're having fun. I'm going to go take my boyfriend out on a date. :) 10 octobre Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues...In the middle of the pouring rainBest 5 Songs to Listen to Just Before Dawn:
5. Marc Cohn "Walking in Memphis"
4. Counting Crows "Perfect Blue Buildings"
3. Edwin McCain "3 AM"
2. Allison Krauss "You Will Be My Ain True Love"
1. Anything from Rutter's "Requiem."
The quote log for work is slowly coming along. I worked on it for about 5 hours last night... and I guess I'll have more time to work on it tonight. Not exactly what I had in mind, but oh well.
My head hurts, my heart hurts, I'm tired, and i'm starving... I've worked more than I'm getting "credit" for.. I'm burned out... i've got so much "personal" crap to get done since my "personal" time has been eaten up by work... and if it weren't for the fact that Lucky is at my grandmother's I'd probably feign sick and go home.
All i want is a warm heart and a clear mind.
9 octobre Now I'm only 26... feeling more like 43....5 Stupid NC Laws (from Dumblaws.com):
5. It's against the law to sing off key.
4. Organizations may not hold their meetings while the members present are in costume.
3. Bingo games may not last over 5 hours unless it is held at a fair.
2. Persons in possession of illegal substances must pay taxes on them.
1. If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
I finally feel like I'm making it somewhere on my whole grad school preparation. I finally got my biography done as well as a draft letter to send to my recommendations. I can spend tonight writing the emails and sending them off and getting the packets ready. I'm planning on printing off the course listings and descriptions before I leave here so I can write my letters of intent tonight while I watch my movies and possibly send them in to my references for a perusal.
After work yesterday I decided to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few key "organizational" tools. As seems to be the theme lately, I ran into someone I wasn't very excited to see again. I'm pretty sure she didn't recognize me. Thank God for multiple bouts with hair dye since my college years. Seeing her really brought me back to a place of anger and hurt... all too quickly. Its amazing how long it takes old wounds to heal. And the whole ordeal had been my own fault. To bring you up to speed without "incriminating" anyone... I had trusted a guy when he told me that he and his little female "buddy" were just friends. Being the trusting soul, I believed him. They'd go out claiming they wanted "alone time." She would often (more than blatantly) ignore me and the times she did acknowledge my existence, it was to criticize or ridicule. Until one day I walked in on them being all "buddy buddy." It made complete sense then. I never dated another guy who had a female "best friend" again until my ex-husband. We all know where that got me.
And there she was... floating through MY Wal-Mart... in the place that I call home. She is three hours from HER home... I couldn't even begin to tell you what went through my head. Not that its her fault... its really not. I know its a little of everyone's fault... mine for sticking around that long, theirs for being deceitful. It put me in an incredible mood for the rest of the night.
In other news... to get myself off subject more than anything... Lucky is staying at home yet again today. I left him watching PBS this morning... hoping that it will have something worthwhile to keep him company. He has been doing so great the past few weeks. I took him for a pretty long walk this morning... and I'm planning to take him on another when I leave here. Enough to keep him going. Pretty soon he'll be training with me to do the 3 Day. Nice long walks all the time. :)
My grandmother called to tell me my new Trivial Pursuit game is in. That's a nice change of pace. Maybe I'll get to play it sometime soon. I know the winter months are coming, which are great for cuddling up inside with a deck of cards or pair of dice. As much as I hate being cold... and I hate my heating bill.... I can't wait for a little bit of cold weather.
Anyway. I really must be going. Talk to you all soon, I hope. 8 octobre How am I gonna run away when the autumn breaks...5 Great Things about This Weekend
5. Savannah no longer thinks we're the biggest flakes in the world...
4. The surprise birthday party was a huge success. Considering Friday night we were convinced it would just be us girls...
3. Not only did I get to see Savannah happy... but Jessica, Amber, Tim, Jonathan, and Bronson as well.
2. I got to play Circle of Kings. Yay!
1. Taking Lucky to the dog park for the first time since the temperature dropped... and showing Bronson the joy that Lucky experiences every time we go there.
What a weekend! I guess I can finally talk about things now that Savannah's surprise birthday party has passed. Jess, Amber, and I have been working diligently trying to plan an execute the mother of all surprise parties for Savannah's birthday. I messaged a TON of Savannah's friends on MySpace. We stole her phone. We called people. We planned, we e-vited, we bought, we decorated. When all was said and done, the faithful came. Out of at least 50 people that we contacted, only 15 responded. Out of the 15, 7 came. It was so nice to just be surrounded by such happiness. I love my friends. I would post pictures, but... well... you all know I am not blessed with a camera as of yet.
I spent Sunday cleaning up and getting myself ready for the week ahead. Bronson and I took Lucky to Martin Off-Leash Dog Park behind Wal-Mart. I know I've probably posted a few pictures of Lucky running his butt off on my blog from time to time. That dog absolutely loves going to off-leash facilities. He gets to sniff around and find other dogs... I really do love taking him there. I don't do it enough, which breaks my heart. It was so much easier when I lived in Aberdeen. I figured I'd fence my yard in eventually at the new house.
Tonight I will be dining with my grandparents. Its good to be able to sit down as a family one night a week. As long as things don't go too far overboard. My grandmother gets a little... overbearing?... if you stick around too much. Lucky did so well home alone on Friday that I think I'll start cutting down my driving to Pinehurst. Days I'm sure that I'll be home around 5 or earlier I'll leave him there. Friday is always a given as far as that is concerned. I'm hoping by cutting down on the driving, I'll be able to start putting more money away from the upcoming holidays. (Holy Crap, its almost the Xmas Season.)
I got an email from the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day for 2008. They've set the dates and are ready to start enrolling people. I AM going to sign up. I kind of want to wait to see if I'm going to grad school to see which event I should register for. Plus I'd like to work my 365 Project to be able to include it. If I had a year to fundraise, I know $2200 wouldn't be hard at all. Plus, if I end up going to school in Raleigh, there are women walking and training up there. I could easily find a team and someone to train with!
There is a trip to Wal-Mart in my near future. I am so disorganized its pathetic. I need to get myself a new planner so I can start managing my time a little better. I go to sleep at night wondering where the hell my day went. I've still got Letters of Intent to write. I have to fix my resume. I have to finish my applications. I have to write my biography. I have to email my old professors for recommendation. More than anything, I want ME time. I want to read... take pictures... play with my dog... hang out with my boyfriend... have girl time... have family time... and I know its possible. I worked full time and went to school with overloaded schedule (20 semester hours at LEAST). I had a social life and hobbies on top of it. I know my current schedule is full of crap that I just need to organize. Hopefully with a planner that will be a little easier. Especially with wanting to do the 3 Day and the 365 Project in this next year.
I'm done ranting.
Well... I am off to eat fish with my family. Why my grandmother always fixes fish when I eat there is beyond me. And you KNOW she's going to beg me to dye my hair back to blonde for at least 2 hours. Oh, the HUMANITY. 5 octobre Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal...I'd still own the film rights and be working on the sequelTop 5 Favorite Candy:
5. Skittles: What can I say... I lived on them my freshman year of undergrad.
4. Airheads: It was the first thing my brother ever bought me on his own accord. He was taking me somewhere and we stopped at a gas station and he came back to the car with an Arizona Iced Tea and Airheads for both of us.
3. Ring Pops: Although I finish them 10 seconds after I open it.
2. Pink Starburst: There have been many occasions that I have been grounded for stealing all of the pink Starburst out of the bag in my grandma's pantry. I've done it at work a few times, but no one has said anything. 1. Fun Dip: I have to say this is one of the greatest inventions on the candy front. What on earth could be better than flavored sugar?? If they sold the dipping sticks individually... I would probably buy out the store every time I went there.
I am currently bidding on a Canon EOS Rebel G 35mm camera on Ebay. I figured if I could pick it up for under $50, it would be worth it. I'm thinking maybe in the spring I'll take a photography class up at Sandhills. I've been messing around on Flickr a lot the past week or so and I'm floored by the pictures I've been finding. The only thing I can think of is "I wanna DO that!" My pictures never come out as great as what some of those are. I am seriously considering doing the 365 Days challenge on there. One self portrait a day for 365 days. This would be the perfect time to do it... such a time of change! It would be awesome to have it all documented in picture form.
Speaking of major changes... I'm a few steps closer to applying for my Master's degree. I've narrowed it down to three schools (FINALLY!) and I'm working on my "Statement of Intent" for the different schools. I should have that prepared and ready to roll by the end of next week. I'm finishing up my biography to send out with my recommendation packets and I'll probably end up spending a good deal of time over at Nana's using up her printer ink. I have no idea where my printer has walked off to and I am honestly not very interested in seeking it out just yet.
Last night wasn't very productive. I enjoyed myself... but I wasn't productive. I sat with my grandmother for a while after I got off work, then went over to Bronson's to hang out with him. Its hard to believe how much time has passed since he and I began dating. We're quickly approaching 90 days since we first started seeing each other. I kind of feel like I'm living Patty Loveless's song "Same Kind of Crazy." He is my knight in shining armour.... the other half of my heart.
The digital camera I ordered from Amazon has shipped. That was a nice surprise. It should arrive some time mid-week next week. Just in time for the Halloween festivities. Yet again I will not be decorating for the single greatest holiday in the American calendar (by my opinon). I really don't want my love of Halloween to interfere with anyone viewing the house in a neutral light. So... if it means I don't get to have fun decorating my creepy old house... I guess I will have to pass.
I'm still considering painting my kitchen over the next weekend or so. The 20th is Homecoming for Methodist College/University, my alma mater. Next weekend I am hoping to go to Terror on Church Street. I guess we could always go the weekend before Halloween... but I can see the lines being astronomical.
When I return on Monday, I will hopefully have lots to talk about. Hopefully things will fall in place, things will get done... and things will blossom. Have a beautiful weekend! 4 octobre Nothing makes sense.... so I won't think about it....5 Things I Love/Hate about Houston, Texas
5. Love: The museum district. So many things to see, so little time.
4. Hate: Half the people don't speak English. At ALL. Makes communicating "I need the computer" a memory feat. I think the last time I spoke spanish was my sophomore year of college.
3. Love: Kemah. I found the greatest little shop that looks like an old-timey dress shop but sells clothes that I would actually wear. Plus it has the longest haunted house i have ever been in.
2. Hate: Traffic. There are traffic jams in the middle of the night. What the hell?
1. Love: That its like a culturally rich college town. Things are cheap and there is such a plethora of things to do.
"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." Mitch Hedberg
I am home again. That in and of itself is a wonderful thing. I've even got most things under control. I'm so proud of myself.
While in Texas, my camera pretty much ate it. I'll avoid the details here since 9 times out of 10 it puts me into a rage of obscenities. Needless to say I am embarking into a short time where I will not have pictures as back-up. I think I'm okay with it. I may try to scour Ebay and buy myself a film SLR to play with. I'd love to dapple with photography... I've just never had the means to. Maybe I'll take a photography class when I get some free time. I enjoy taking pictures. As you can tell I get pretty shutter happy when allowed.
This weekend will be eventful. I spent most of yesterday fixing up the outside of my house. I've still got a ton of things to do. (IE Mow the vast brown sea that used to be my lawn but is now dead grass and weeds.) I cleaned up a lot yesterday. I've got to mop my kitchen floor and vacuum... do laundry... the usual stuff. Plus I need to dust and part of me really wants to paint the kitchen tonight. Yeah, don't ask me where that came from. All of a sudden I had the urge to paint last night. I decided to try to find a work for submission to grad school instead. I don't even know what color I could go with since my cabinets are reddish, my floor is brownish, and my appliances are black and silver. Oh yeah... and the curtains (which were left behind by the last people) are white and green.
I made a hysterical realization last night. Most of my college work is on 3.5 floppies. I can say I remember typing up some notes, but it was mostly because my "rushed" handwriting is horrid and extremely hard to read. I found about three discs worth of typed notes on everything from mass communications and journalism to 18th century literature. There has never been another time that I can remember where I was speechless from my dorkiness. Oh well. It gives me something to teach from later, right?
My GRE scores are good until January 15th. Talk about pressure. Part of me really wants to send in all of my stuff right now so I don't have to worry about it. The other part is like "Well, you're not completely ready yet." I still have to get my recommendations together and write my letters of intent. Just that can take up to a month to get going. I really hope I can get it all done before January. I don't know if I could pass the GRE if I had to take it again.
I have so much more to tell you, but I have been sworn to secrecy. Hopefully I'll be able to tell you soon. Well! I must be off!
27 septembre Walk into this room and swaggers...Like he's God's own messenger5 Things I Will Never Understand In This World
5. How I cut my hand in my sleep last night.
4. Why Lucky barks at his butt when he farts
3. My grandmother
2. The male gender as a whole
1. How I could survive on Skittles, Pepsi, and Spaghetti O's for a year and a half.
I finished Good in Bed a few nights ago. I read for 10 minutes before I went to bed. Where it left the story... I had to know what happened. So I read another chapter. I had to know what happened next... so I read another chapter. About 40 minutes later I read the last page and put the book on my "read" bookshelf. I wasn't exactly PLANNING on finishing the book, but what's done is done, I guess. Add into it that I forgot my next book to read on the kitchen counter, so I have nothing to read at lunch.
Maybe I'll venture across the street and try to buy a new book at the bookstore I found over there. Seven Lakes is really getting some great shops. Its almost to the point now where I only go into town to eat. Half the time I don't even have to do that. I've got good ol' Steve's Pizza, Subs, and Japanese Food on the next corner from my house.
I will be heading to Texas early in the morning tomorrow. Actually its so early it might as well be tonight. I shouldn't complain, the ticket is free. I really think my family needs to move out of Texas. I have some very serious issues with that state. Nothing against Texans, of course. Of course leaving Friday means I have way too much crap to do tonight. Laundry is among the top priority. For someone who doesn't have a lot of clothes or who couldn't care less about fashion... I really do have to do a lot of laundry.
Yahoo had a really interesting article on PTSD and children of cancer patients. For some reason, I always thought this would be a little... uhh... obvious? How can the potential death and/or death of your parent NOT cause PTSD? Common sense, people!
I've been seriously looking into schools and have settled on my course of action. My first choice is UNCG for the MEd in English. Then there is the MFA in Creative Writing from NC State. My last choice is between UNC-W and App State. UNC-W has the MAT in English and hurricanes and App State has the MA in English with a concentration in Community College Teaching and blizzards. I guess it kind of depends which one I'm more willing to put up with. The snows of my youth or weathering hurricanes miles from my family.
Thinking about my career choice really has me pondering writers as a whole. I have often referred to myself as a "writer." Alas, I'm largely unpublished and very much a non-practicing version. So what criteron must be in place for one to call themselves such? My vote is a major publication, thereby disqualifying myself... but it is an important part. No one claims to be a computer programmer who formats their C: drive. No one claims to be a concert pianist by banging on the keys in the audience of their dog. And no, MSN Spaces does not count as a major publication.
And I guess the main thing is, I really don't want to be a writer. I'd love to write. I just don't want to be a writer. There isn't any way on God's green earth I could think up of enough things to keep the world entertained on a daily basis. Then again, if I can ramble senselessly as I am now... I'd be good.
Anyway. I'm going to go home and shove some stuff into a bag and set my beloved alarm for a glorious 3 AM. I hope you guys have a glorious weekend. 24 septembre You and me, we couldn't stand being normal...That's why we, make a good you and me5 Movies I'm Hoping to see in the next month
5. Good Luck Chuck
4. Across the Universe
3. Into the Wild
2. August Rush
1. Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Another beautiful Monday at Longleaf Truss. I seem to be the only one who will answer the phone, do a quote... well, quite frankly... do anything right now besides the stuff that has been "assigned" to me. So, in my passive-aggressive fit of rage, I have secretly vowed not to answer the phone again until after I've taken my lunch. I have six quotes sitting on my desk, some of which people have actually had the tenacity to HAND to me. As if I'm sitting here picking my nose just waiting for the chance to do the part of their job that THEY have deemed themselves "too important" to do.
I'm off my high horse.
Hold on... add to the whole ordeal that I just walked past one of my coworkers offices and he was ASLEEP at his desk. The same one that gave me a few quotes to do... oh wow. Yeah. I'm a little pissed off.
Okay... NOW i'm off my high horse.
I have to admit I had an incredible weekend. Friday night I had planned to take my grandparents out for dinner since my grandfather wasn't up for it on Wednesday. Turns out, they still weren't interested. I sat around their house for a little while and upon realizing I was basically waiting for the Second Coming instead of them to decide a restaurant... I proceeded home. I did some laundry, watched some TV, played some Wii... went to bed and decided to do the one thing I have been waiting patiently for... Sleep in on Saturday!
Saturday was a dream come true. I finished laundry, played Wii, cleaned the kitchen, baked a cake, read, played with Sir Lucky, read some more, played with Lucky some more... then drove out and picked up Bronson and headed to the Sandhills Community College Horticulture Gardens to meet the girls. We left and got some ice cream... then Bronson and I had to head back and get ready for his sister's friend's wedding. More importantly, (not to discredit the fact that two people who seem very much in love are now one family) I met the folks.
Which kind of brings me to my current musings. I've always been a huge fan of Vietnam literature and movies. For some reason, it helps me understand my father (a Marine sniper) a bit more. My father had readjusted back into stateside living.... well.... a little. My personal opinion was that he had experienced a level of success at a job there really isn't any LEGAL calling for in the real world. Add in a healthy dose of PTSD and social disorders because of the "singularity" of his job, and no real cure for any of it... and you have what my father was facing.
Now for my musing. I wonder what element of life stateside allows for one man to adjust back to life better than another. Daddy was a mess. Another friend of mine has a father who is still actively fighting PTSD. Several of the veterans I had interviewed for a research paper years ago were very actively fighting different variations of PTSD. There were so many commonalities among the men. And then I meet Bronson's dad... and he's just so... happy. I just couldn't get enough of him. A close family friend is the only other person I had met who seems like they had never been there. It warms my heart for those people who are welcoming back their sons, fathers, daughters, mothers, sisters, friends... maybe if we can just find that one thing that helps... that one element... maybe all these people can have a better life.
I am just about 100 pages from finishing Jennifer Weiner's book Good in Bed. I have to admit it was a really slow start, but as soon as I hit my decision page (generally about 100 pages into a book I decide whether or not its worth finishing)... I realized I was a good 40 pages past the decision point. So, I'm finishing it. I think I'm taking up another classic next. Perhaps Alias Grace or Ethan Frome. I haven't decided yet. I'm enjoying the reading kick though.
Well, I must be off. One of our owners had a heart attack this morning so the phones are buzzing even more than usual. Talk to you soon! 18 septembre And I know darling I could be so good to you... My extremely abbreviated top priority to-do list (in no particular order)
5. Talk to Brian about taking a few days off in a week or so (possibly going to Texas with the family? Oh, how tantalizing!)
4. Create the "Recommendation Letter Packets" for potential accepting professors. (IE: SASE, bio sheet, thank you letter, high-dollar bribe)
3. Write potential recommendation professors asking for masters degree recommendations.
2. Finish laundry (I'm not sure how much longer I can make it wearing the same pair of jeans.)
1. Hang out with the girls (It has been FOR-EV-VER since I've seen them. If it doesn't happen soon I'm going to start crying.)
I've been doing some covert missions today. Well, not exactly covert. I got the email addresses of the six professors I plan on asking for references. Now I just have to make up my packets so all I do is mail them off when I hear something back from them. Of course, this whole packet entails going to Wally World or Staples and stocking up on nice envelopes and paper.... and the post office for stamps so I don't look like an idiot with my little 2 cent stamp additions. Oh the joys of looking good.
So I've decided to send a message to Satan's right hand man and left hand woman... my two professors who did nothing but discourage me to abandon the one true path I know I was meant to walk because of their own miserable experiences and conceptions. I'm hoping that even though they are delusional in their lofty views of their abilities, they may grant me the same overexaggerated skills and abilities on paper. Preferably in the form of a recommendation letter to the universities.
I've decided to wait until '08 to do my first 3-Day. I honestly think that I could raise enough to participate, but I just don't think I could get myself ready in enough time. You're walking just about 20 miles a day (60 miles in 3 days), which I could handle. Just not 3 days in a row, then flying back to NC to work. I need some time to strengthen the parts I've hurt before the right way. I guess this means more fun times for the Lucky Bear.
Anyway. Marty is coming bearing donuts and I've got a plan to finish before I can leave... and I haven't even gotten the walls in yet. I'll talk to you guys later!
17 septembre When you're older, you will understandLast 5 Songs Played
5. The Fray "Trust Me" 4. Soul Asylum "Bittersweetheart"
3. Pink Floyd "Vera"
2. New Found Glory "Forget My Name"
1. Yonder Mountain String Band "California Zephyr"
I have to be honest in saying that I miss my friends from the River. I had forgotten how comforting it was having people. Maybe not them ALWAYS being right next to you, but it was nice having them around. That's probably one of the main reasons I miss college so much. Living in the apartments on campus gave you enough social interaction so you don't feel like a social leper... but you were never without some alone/private time. Then again, I think I'm lying to you. I loved college because I was working toward something. I had goals... aspirations... benchmarks... The real world doesn't really have those. Or not ones that are clear and concise.
This weekend has been exactly what I needed since before Utah. Bronson and I went out to eat with some of his friends late Friday night. While we were in there, the rain began to pour down. I went to my grandmother's house, picked up Lucky... then drove home. I can't tell you how beautiful a Carolina rain can be. Friday night would have been the type of night I sit on my porch (if I had a swing, of course) and just watched the rain fall.
And the sit-on-the-porch-and-just-watch-the-hours-pass-kind-of-weather just continued all weekend. Saturday was absolutely gorgeous. Bronson and I went over to Nana's and dropped off Mr. Lucky then grabbed some lunch at Moe's. We stopped in at O.U.R. Books (my favoite used bookstore)... Game Stop... Best Buy... and even got to stop by and see Chasity before dinner. Then on Sunday we woke up, went to Blake's Restaurant (little Mom and Pop place down the road from my house) and read on the front porch steps in the sunshine with a mug of hot tea. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. There was even time on Sunday night for me to finish Anthem by Ann Rynd, bake a cake for my grandma's birthday, and do a load of laundry!
Tonight there will be plenty of time to start a new book (I'm currently debating between Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner and What the Dogs Have Taught Me: And other amazing things I've learned by Merrill Maroke), do the rest of my laundry, and play a sufficient amount of Wii. Bronson is being a trooper and is planning to attend a birthday dinner with us on Wednesday. Actually, he doesn't know the day yet, but he has agreed to go. I feel so badly for him. My grandparents can be some very frustrating people, especially when we're in a restaurant. This is a typical excerpt from my grandmother's ordering repertoire:
(Only after telling the server "one more minute" 15 billion times, then getting annoyed when they don't magically appear the moment she knows what she wants to eat.) "Yes. Thank you. I'll have the spaghetti with meatballs. Only instead of meatballs I want chicken... and instead of spaghetti I want mashed potatoes. You can give me a bun instead of the sauce, too. And I'd rather have beef than chicken, but only if your beef comes from within a 50 mile radius of Boise. If not, I'll take fish, but only if the fish has lead a pure and healthy lifestyle during its formative years. If your cook uses the same grill for everything, can you please ask him to buy a new one for my chicken? Thank you. Oh yes, and I can have a magical pot of water that is the same temperature as the surface of the sun and stays that way for two hours even when I leave the cover off? Anything less makes horrid tea."
Of course, the server can't possibly meet the needs of my grandmother and take care of 5 other tables... so my grandmother believes that we are being ignored (I don't blame them) and leaves no tip. I usually swoop in behind her and leave a pretty hefty one... but that's beside the point.
Work has been much of a challenge lately. I keep thinking of ways to make myself more postive about everything... but there's just no way. I guess that's one of the problems with having short vacations for me. :) I feel like I haven't accomplished enough to be in my career field yet. Moreso, I really don't think this could ever be my career field. I'm not math-minded enough to get enjoyment out of it. Trust me, I'm trying really hard. Being around house plans all day is really exciting, but that's pretty much where it ends. Oh well... I'll go to school soon enough.
The gauntlet has fallen... I AM doing the Breast Cancer 3-Day in '08. I think if I really did some asphault pounding, I could get in for this year's Arizona 3-Day. Arizona's starts on November 2nd and runs through the 4th. That would give me a little over a month to raise $2200 and scrounge enough for a plane ticket and registration fees. I could probably swing the registration fees... but raising over 2k in a month is tough. Maybe Longleaf will match donations. Ooh... now there's an idea.
Anyway. I have taken way too much time writing this and now the owner and his wife have shown up. Gotta run!!
12 septembre everything i do is judged...and they mostly get it wrong...but oh well5 Things that just aren't cooperating right now
5. House Market: If my stupid house would just sell.....
4. Work: I'll get into that in a minute
3. Email: Eartlink and Embark got a divorce. Now all us children have to change our emails.
2. Air Conditioning: Its either 400 degrees or -60. No imbetween. Makes me sleepy.
1. Sun Poisioning: It gets itchy as crap a week later!
For some reason right now, I just want to whine. It seems like the more I'm away from work the more stuff that happens. It gets kind of old, especially since I've been away from work a lot the past few months.
I came back on Tuesday to find Wayne and Ann, the owner and his wife, in yet another super-confidential meeting. Choua makes it a point to spend 30 minutes at my desk explaining all the changes that happened in the mere week I was gone from work. I guess it turns out that that super-confidential has been one in a line of many many confidential meetings. Needless to say it has me nervous.
Don't get me wrong... we need some serious organization help here... which was one of the benefits they saw in hiring me. I am an organizational queen. Things have just been so busy that I haven't had the time to take on secondary projects without coming in on the weekend. I'm sorry, but I show up a half an hour early and end up staying late 95% of the time. I'm not spending my weekend here too. Especially to work my butt off on something that Ann or Choua will not like and change almost immediately.
Part of it I really could do at night if Choua would give me my laptop back. I'm sure its sitting at his house somewhere collecting dust and debris... just like all of the other things that have entered the Choua Zone. The man regularly forgets his car keys and wallet. How he gets to work is beyond me. His truck will be here and his wife will call letting us know Choua can't find his keys. I have had to give him rides home because he's driven to work and THEN forgot what he did with his wallet and keys.
The whole thing just has the office on pins and needles. When there is tension in the 3 ring circus, we all get a little snappy. I'm just trying to stay afloat and see what happens. I know they're keeping a close eye on everything we do and how long it takes for us to do it. I have a strange feeling it won't be the same people sitting here when the new year rolls in.
To add into the ill ease, the plant itself has nothing to build.
11 septembre on a perfect day...somewhat like today...we will find each other thereNext 5 Reading Projects:
5. Pam Huston Sight Hound
4. Steinback Grapes of Wrath
3. Austen Pride and Prejudice
2. Deborah Douglas Foot Soldiers
1. James Olsen Bathsheba's Breast
I am back from the muddy (but sometimes sandy) depths of the Green River. I have to say it was a pretty positive experience. I'm rejuvinated and ready to start writing again. Now if only Choua would give me my laptop back so I can use that to write with.
The past week and a half has been incredible. Bronson and I went up to Boone to stay at his grandfather's cabin. The water comes from a natural spring... and something was blocking it up the mountain... so we only stayed there one night. The mountains of North Carolina... they are unparalleled. I took so many pictures on that trip. I have to upload them still.
Utah/Colorado canoe trip was great, like I said before. It has been a long time since i was out west...so that was a bit of culture shock in and of itself. The girls were awe-inspiring. I even go to do a little book shopping while I was waiting for my plane. I wrote a few poems... wrote my boyfriend a long letter... read Ender's Game and Kite Runner twice each. I have to admit, I made some good book choices when I picked those up.
Alas, time is running out on my lunch break. Work is being... well... work. They're really cracking down on our "dwadling" time. I'll write more later!
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